Saturday, July 14, 2007

WANTED -- Parent Position

PARENT - Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION: Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities.
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.


daphne maia said...

u are going to be a father?! wow! which girl?! :P

Chern Jie said...


Yes, I'm going to be a father. For the other question, it shall remain a mystery. :D

daphne maia said...

... thanks for answering but not answering. bleh!!

can i play with ur baby when it gets born? haha i promise i wont set fire to his/her hair. n i promise i wont teach him/her bad things. heehee!

Chern Jie said...

Yeah sure. My children shall be privileged to have as much exposure as he/she could possibly get. In which, he/she shall learn and decide for themselves what is good or bad, and ultimately what they want to be.

:D We'll be truly thankful for what you have done. That's ... of course until the baby is born.

Cool Insider said...

I know exactly what you mean... Only thing is that I am still at the start of my "career" with my son just 3 and a half years old this July.... wait long long

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