Monday, November 06, 2006

My Mothering Daughter

By R. Harun from The Star

My daughter was only 14 when my husband decided to move out, last year. it seemed like a joke then when she asked if he could stay until her PMR exam, which is this year. From there onwards, I see life as purgatory.

I used to ask myself how a man who had agreed to love and take care of me could just walk out of my life after 20 years, I was always there for him, in good times and in bad. But for the last five or six years, the good times have been only for him and his whote. My in-laws are his biggest fans; in fact, they encourage him in whatever he does. My husband is a perfect son, but foes that mean he is also a perfect husband?

We often hear how spoilt an only child can be, but this only applies to those whose parents are together, to a few families - I hope. My only child has turned to be like a mohter to me. An ideal mum. I don't talk to my biological mum about my split, but I have learnt so much from this new mum in the past one year.

I cannot believe that she is the same girl who would only bring in the clothes when it rains, because I told her so. The same girl who couldn't give the right directions to the right station on the Putra LRT line. The same girl who loves Rain.

She is remorseless every time she tells me off. She'd say that I should get on with my life and not mourn over a man who does not even look at me when he talks. She told me that I love my pain so much that I think about it all the time.

How do I tell her? I miss my husband, but most of my crying is done in the bathroom or during my praters. I make sure that I don't cry aloud or she will just give me a piece of her mind. Which, most times, it would be justified. I feel that she is too young to understand the things that I'm going through and will not understand the way I see love.

Or is it me who cannot see the true love and happiness that God is leading me towards, together with my child. Before, I only had one purpose - to serve my man. But I now realise that I have a bigger purpose in life - the real purpose for my existence in this world. I believe that God has been good to me and I have been looking at the closed door for too long and not noticing the one that has been opened for me.

At 15, my daughter has to deal with a mother like me, whom she terms unstable sometimes, and a father who thinks that he is star to his friends. I neglected her for at least six months after what happened and she has grown into an adult. I do not want her to feel like she is a hundred years old when she is 20.

I have not been well lately and I pray to God that he will give me at least another 10 years with her and I will be happy to go. Two days ago, while out jogging, I was startled by a cobra. At that time, it was God and my daughter that I thought of. What would happened if that had been my last day?

Just two days before Hari Raya, I told myself that it is my daughter who I must think of from now onwards and not a man who chose to leave us. My husband looked and found the life that he wanted. I will do the same, but as I should, as a human being.

Parents and their children at any age can have different points of view over just about everything. Or do they? We invite parents and children to write in to show us where the generation gap closes and widens. E-mail us at starmag@thestar.com.my. Published contributions will be paid.
Tags: relationship, breakup, family, love, mother, daughter, father,

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