Monday, February 13, 2006

Abby of Bonkworld

Abigail Schoneboom, the infamous whiskey and horse blanket thief, failed to appear in court today on account of belly sickness.
I was talking to Abby whom I met on Saturday about why she doesn't have a blog despite being so actively involved in the blogging world.

"But I have a website", she said. And then trying not to be any more ruder than I was I said "Okay, fine." A website is good enough.

Usually, when someone tells me they have a website it's usually the conventional five page website with the regular "home", "about", "contact", "gallery", and maybe a "work that I have done" or "hobbies" or "music" page. The kind that never updates. The kind that is all written on plain HTML. The kind that doesn't have RSS. The kind that is just dead.

As you can see I'm almost a "static"-ist, or maybe "non-blog"-ist. So, almost immediately I stubbornly asked her again, "Why don't you have a blog?".

"I have a website. It's a dynamic website", she explains.

"Ya ya, but it's not a blog", I just couldn't sum it up.

Abby, Jonathan's sister is a very lovely and friendly Geordie who's currently staying with her husband in New York. She is doing some sort of research on blogging (can't reveal too much). All I can say is, it is a very interesting research and it is in a very specific research aspect of the blogging world. Apart from that for most people I know who are above average of internet savvy-ness will almost definitely have a blog even though it's very rarely updated. So, it is very unlikely that she doesn't have a blog.

So after the meeting, as anybody would do we exchanged web URLs and I've managed to see that her website isn't too bad at all. In fact, I'm ashamed of myself impressed. It uses some sorta content management system (CMS) either customly written by her husband who's a PHP programmer or a readily available CMS online. It is very interactive with very specialized implementation of flash (with sound), HTML and some other stuff that I don't know.

That's just the surface technicality I tend to observe first thing I look at a website. It's a bad habit because "you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover". Anyway, the contents are addictive:

The Bonkworld Organization
The world of the absurd, original humorous writings and other entertaining and informative tricks and japes.
www.bonkworld.org

It's a website of a group of writers publishing their writing. There is a "random" link that brings you to a random article in their collection (I think I should implement that with some Javascript on my blog.) and some very humurous and interesting articles.

On Dr Bollocks' Guide to Impressive Sex (which is VERY technical):
I've found in my travels that the most important thing to do, which most men will never understand because they're quite simply afraid to do the research, is gently to stimulate the woman's abulus propudum, more specifically the lower third or so, and never (initially) the upper fifth, also known as the balconius plushsportum, using a slightly moistened "pinky" finger in a small circular motion with a pressure of no greater than 0.012 pounds per square inch for a duration of no shorter than 17.4 seconds and no longer than a day point five. Moving on from there he is now free to use the outer pabulus laborum in turn to excite the dorsal metagoopis, not as a goal in itself but as a tantric process resulting in a feeling of ecstatic nothingness or euphoria for both parties, and sometimes third parties. Then and only then should he approach the gobulous nodulum minora, slowly so as not to frighten it and chase it back into its sheathed cavulum, using a "beckoning" motion with the index and/or middle fingers and a "come hither" look in the eyes. Lips should be pursed suggestively, luxuriously, if not petulantly. Remain relaxed.
Take that and more! Head over there and check it out yourself. You can find entries submitted by Abby herself over here.

*Update: read what Rullsenberg Rules have to say.

References: Bonkworld, Guide to Impressive Sex, CMS, Blog Meet,
Tags: Blogmeet, Blogging, Comedy, Humor, Sex,

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